Needed in the next few months: serious zen

Sunday at brunch, Joel and I were going over our weekend plans for the next few months and let me tell you: I’m going to need some serious zen in order to get through the craziness. I mean, come on 2012. What’s up, already?

Going forward, I think what I need to come to terms with is the simple fact that I’m going to be busy. Really busy. And I’m not even factoring in my job, which is as unpredictable as they come. The uncomfortable part is that even though I do quite a bit to keep myself busy, I really don’t like being busy. Does that make sense? In general, I am a connoisseur of empty hours. I love long naps, reading, long afternoons with nothing on my agenda and the freedom to fill those hours as I wish. Being busy means those hours are pre-filled, and the easy-going part of me pangs knowing that do-nothing time is out of my grasp.

When that part of starts hurting more than usual, I become anxious and stressed. Accomplishing my to-do list becomes a chore (even if items on that list — like playing roller derby — are things I enjoy). I find myself unusually unhappy or on-edge.

This is not a good state to be in. Which is why — as Joel and I surveyed the next few months over coffee and bagels — I’ve decided that I can’t let myself be unhappy. I can’t let myself be stressed. I can’t let this non-stop schedule get me down because 1) there’s nothing I can do about it, and 2) I don’t want to be unhappy. I have to work at this, and it’s going to mean refusing to let the “little things” (whether they’re related to work or my personal life) get me me down. That’s going to be tough because I’ve been known to fly off the handle if ANYTHING messes up my line of ducks.

But I can do it. I’m taking on the next few months as a challenge, which means micro-managing every second of it so that I can find the little nuggets of “free time” I so enjoy. And it means taking those moments whenever I can; whether that’s getting my butt out of my bed early enough for brunch with Joel, or letting go of Friday mornings so I can have coffee with friends.

Here’s a look at the next few months from hell — which, I apologize, is a bit of a misnomer because two of my high school friends are getting married and I’m incredibly excited to share in their special days. And there’s plenty more awesome activities to be had. But again, it’s the sheer block of activity — and with no respite in sight — that’s intimidating. This schedule has yet to be filled with plenty more dates as the spring/summer progresses.

MAY

  • May 5: My brother David’s graduation from Bowling Green University
  • May 12-13: Home for wedding-related activities/ visiting with best friends I haven’t seen since…Thanksgiving??
  • May 19: Roller derby!
  • May 20: My town’s annual parade
  • May 26-27: My town’s bi-annual art show

JUNE

  • May 31-June 3: My town’s annual festival
  • June 9: Bachelorette party in Louisville, KY
  • June 15: Playing a bridesmaid in my good friend’s wedding
  • June 23: Attending another high school friends’ wedding, where Joel is a groomsman

JULY

  • July 14: Roller derby!
  • July 21: Bridal shower No. 1

AUG

  • Aug. 4: Bridal shower No. 2
  • Aug. 18-19: Woodward Dream Cruise (covering)

It’s good to see July and August isn’t as jam-packed as it feels, though I know more will be coming. Maybe I’ll try to work in a massage or facial somewhere…

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