“O Luxury” by Guy W. Longchamps

OK, this is my last Garrison Keillor reference for awhile…I promise.  But I couldn’t help but notice the irony.  Upon finishing my review of Garrison Keillor: Stories from Lake Wobegon at OU this week, I went to read my daily poem from Good Poems (a book edited by Keillor).  You can imagine my surprise and joy at finding today’s poem to be “O Luxury” by Guy W. Longchamps, a poem Keillor recited at said event!  He was telling the story about how his drunken uncle saved his life one night, when he crept away from his boy scouts camp to take a leak in the cold, Minnesota woods.  As a modest Lutheran, he made sure to go a far ways (so no one would see him).  The trouble is, when he finished, he was completely lost.  He then recited this hilarious poem, which made everyone laugh.  I hope you smile too.

O what a luxury it be
how exquisite, what perfect bliss
so ordinary and yet chic
to pee to piss to take a leak

To feel your bladder just go free
and open like the Mighty Miss
and all your cares go down the creek
to pee to piss to take a leak

for gentlemen of great physique
who can hold water for one week
for ladies who one-quarter cup
of tea can fill completely up
for folks in urinalysis
for Viennese and Greek and Swiss
for little kids just learning this
for everyone it’s pretty great
to urinate
women are quite circumspect
but men can piss with great effect
with terrible hydraulic force
can make a stream or change its course
can put out fires or cigarettes
and sometimes
laying down our bets
late at night outside the bars
we like to aim up at the stars

Yes for men it’s much more grand
women sit or sqat
we stand
and hold the fellow in our hand
and proudly watch the yellow arc
adjust the range and make our mark
on stones and posts for rival men
to smell and not come back again

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